Shapes and Shifts

In dreams and land of imagination everything is volatile. Nothing is concrete. But these ideas have real value to ourselves. They affect us in many ways about how our future days can go. This very realm of thought creates hopes, wishes, belief, distraction, anxiety, and the list goes on. A recurrent thought that runs through our veins like a toxic ichor is Fear. It changes us in that particular moment. We all react differently to it. It is our biggest enemy and it tests our will to live through it. The choices we make out of it are not always in our best interests. We make mistakes and we give in.

Nonetheless it is something that makes us who we are, Human.

Our irrational minds overrides our self-control and pushes us to do things we can regret. It breaks us in so many ways. Until we patiently wait to be reforged. It is an explosion of our own nightmares that rushes through our body. It tears down every piece of what we value. We cannot escape it. We cannot ignore it. We cannot allow it to gain on us.

Yet some of us fail at being…

This powerful illusion is one of the sources of our weaknesses that we hate to admit. Unwillingly we become the servant of injustice and evil. Every choice we make out of this scars everyone around us and ourselves. It is like a disease that spreads rapidly and nobody can protect itself from it. Some of us will be permanently wounded and dragged into the abyss by it. Some of us will live with it through the rest of their lives. Most of us ignore that it lives among us like a silent hunter chasing after the weak and defenseless. And we let it happen.

It eats on us like we’ve been deteriorated by a plague and makes us suffer through it.

The values you can grab out of pain are a lot more fruitful than what you can accomplish with ease. Because they meant something to you or because you now have learned something new out of it. “No pain, no gain”.
You can hardly forget something that caused you harm or trouble in your life. Because it tested your way of perceiving things and how you understood them and how you dealt with them. These questions you never thought of asking yourself are concealed, like a monster hiding your bed, until it found an opportunity to strike at your very moment of weakness. There is no right or wrong answer. But each of those will affect how the world around will react to you.

It is just a Nightmare.

Call me crazy, but we all construct things in this world that comes out of our dreams. Wishes or hopes that we would like to see come to life in this world. What evidence do we have that some of us do not mistake those dreams with nightmares? How can we be sure that these idealistic and ingenious are not just the product of our very own monstrosity? All these formidable questions have nothing else but an impact on how we feel about everything around us. Guilty, regretful, tortured… you name it.

How can I live for a world that wants to ignore their own broken, rotten and darkened silhouette?

I can still remember that I was asked several times by their own manner from the couple I love most: “How can you tell what is right from wrong?”. At the time, I thought it was just about reflecting on what I did wrong and what I can do right. But then again I also grew up thinking what wasn’t wrong can be right. We all know there is no way I will find an answer to that. To be honest, even if I did, I would not share the knowledge of it. I think everyone has the capacity of realizing and making these decisions. I can see, acknowledge and guide a visitor to be confronted to the insane or reasonable choices he will have to do…

But I cannot repair the damages that he or she will provoke in this exposition.

I will keep watch and tell the stories of the remaining constructs of this ruined menagerie of chaos.

Time

We all have our monsters, our demons or our so-called dark side. Sometimes we even let them get the best of us. An everyday challenge we face is to do what we think is right. Sometimes that concept can get blurry and it gets difficult to tell right from wrong. When that line gets blurry that’s when our weaknesses kicks in and we lose ourselves to become the very creature we fear to be. Losing that grasp of control feels refreshing, like being unchained. Only to realize that we were only surrendering our freedom to the reins of discord. Selling ourselves out to whatever destructive force this planet offers is one of the first steps. Doing the dirty bidding that our wishes whispers us are probably where you start to do some serious damage. The sad part is that we are to blame for anyone who falls into this mischievous trap, because we did nothing about it.

Ignorance.
One of the first and the most deadliest and intolerable excuse of all. Neglecting the lives around you could result in leading you in a path you no longer have control of. The very mysteries you thought you were uncovering were only trails by fire. Or just the lack of realization can provoke the resulting balance to switch from one side to the other.
Yet you can’t really criticize someone for being unaware of a few things they trust blindly. That bond usually goes both ways and it is very difficult to doubt the ones you believe in. What would you have done in their shoes?

Inability.
The usual consequence of Ignorance. If the choices we make were to define us, the choice of negligence is among these. The passive tolerance is an example. Letting the world consume itself because you don’t want to feel responsible of what comes after makes you responsible for your self consumption. There are no strict rules on what someone should or shouldn’t do. The only thing that results is the impact of your decisions and how you apply them.
Should you let the vicious circle of ignorance guide your inaction and be a victim? Or did you willingly chose to ignore for the sake of the excuse to not feel responsible?

Indifference.
Champion of pain. Root of malice. Student of the eternal.
The lack of feeling is what tears us apart from everything. Some of us define it as a symptom of mental illness. Like we are some outcasts that do not deserve the chance at a normal life amongst everyone. Not all of us have been granted the fate of feeling the same thing and some of us have even been deprived or stripped of it. The living torment of a constant reminder of what kind of freak you can be.
Does that really make us monsters? Are we really that much unworthy of that mysterious and special virtue? What kind of privilege do we need to get to that point of humanity?

 

I don’t think I ever managed to explain entirely why I consider myself to be such an insane creature. Although most of you would differ.
It is about knowing, learning and understanding.
Endless hunger for knowledge. Even what you might not wish for.
Limitless amount of possibilities. Especially the ones that are inconceivable.
Selfless thoughts and care to others. Eventually you will forget.

This reminds me of a funny story:
There were three mentally ill guys who were locked up in an asylum. And one day they realized they didn’t want to be eternally locked up. So they decided to escape.
The first one had no idea nor an escape plan that he tried forcing his way out rushing through doors and doors only to be finally sedated and sent to a cell.
The second made up an elaborate plan and even knew his way around the asylum pretty well. When the day came, he just couldn’t stop talking about his plan that he gave himself away and got sent to the cell next to his friend.
The third guy, observing how the other two failed learned from their mistakes and quietly planned for his escape for days and nights. When the day came, the two friends argued over how their friend escaped the asylum with success since they haven’t seen him for hours. A few weeks later they see their friend getting locked up in the cell like them. So they said:
“Seems like you failed as well”.
“Oh no.”, he replied, “I did manage to get out.”
“But how did you get back here then?”, they asked.
“When I was out, I could smell fresh air. The bright sun on my skin and the wind gushing through the forest. I was into the wild. I managed to find a town and enjoyed the city life for a while. I had a great time: I had a job and made some new friends. I even had a girlfriend…”, he paused for a moment. Seeing the confusion in his friends’ eyes he continued: “But you see: out there, there were no indications of ‘Freedom’, so I came back to ask for some directions.”

Excuse me…